“Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails,
and place my finger into the mark of the nails,
and place my hand into his side,
I will never believe.” John 20:25
We may feel the disciple is very stubborn demanding an assurance from his Lord. Yet his claiming in front of his Lord is very based on his former statements. By saying “Let us also go, that we may die with him” when Jesus face Jerusalem and his certain death , he expressed his bond with his Lord. He never walked on water with his Lord as Simon did. He never got praise from his Lord as Simon received. But the picture of a Christ in his heart was very clear and very personal.
I don’t think he was a doubtful fellow. He may not be concerned about the resurrection of his Lord at all. Probably what was assembled in his thoughts, as the dark clouds were his Lord’s pitiful death and his own meaningless life after the death of his Lord. I do believe that he kept a faith on something, something that withstands Christ’s death.
That may be the reason why probably he got annoyed of his Christ’s appearance among his friends after death and in his absence.
For him Christ was very personal matter. His Lord is his very own and even the existence of his God is for him. A reasoning that the very existence of a God is for us. The existence of Jesus as a God is entirely for him so that the resurrection of a Christ from his disgraceful passion and death is entirely for him on which he had a reasonable claim. And because the Christ is entirely for him, he felt himself that he is very special before his God, very particular before his God, which enabled him to demand his God’s presence in it’s tangible form. For other disciples he was ‘one of twelve’ but he considered himself unique and precious in front of his Lord.
That may be the extreme level of faith.
He was unique that is why he didn’t seek the comfort and safety of a hiding place. He was not with the disciples when Jesus appeared first time after death. The disciples were scattered in mind and thoughts and was waiting for something that within they expect a reassurance. But unusually Thomas confronted the outside world as he said to die with his Lord. It is not clear for what reason he went out alone leaving his friends in comfort. But it was far more valuable and robust than the Peter’s performance (John 21:7). Peter did realise that it is his Lord in his powerful configuration and realised that it is not a Lord that he found helpless on the cross. But the confrontation of Thomas with the outside world before the evidence of Jesus’ resurrection was somewhat extraordinary. He may have concluded that his own existence on this world is meaningless without his Lord’s proven existence after death. That unity with God elevated him to a father- son relationship with God. So a three time repeated proclamation that he loves his Lord rendered in itself unnecessary.
So the presence of his Lord before him in tangible form after death, didn’t recon another cause finding. The scripture didn’t say he put his finger into the marks of nail. But what he did is a overwhelming expression of the full fathom of his heart- “My Lord and my God!”. Jesus was his Lord from the very beginning and became his God in transition through the three-year time. The last transformation of his Lord into his God happened in that instance along with last transformation of him to a child of god and brother of Christ as Paul says. (Galatians 3:26) And what John says in his letter: “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not”- 1 John 3:1.
Another interesting matter is the Christ was ready to show his wounds to his brother. The wounds were for him, which helped Tomas’ formation from a man from the crowd to the elevated stance of child of God. From the angle of Thomas the wounds are exclusively for him as the very existence of his God is for him. So his claim on Jesus’ wounds is very substantive which will cause the last step of his transformation into child of God. Now he is safe and comfy among the wounds, and the trembling of his Lord’s heart. Far more comfortable than John when he reclined to Jesus chest in Last Supper (John13:23).